I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
