I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
