What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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