I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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