it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
