Cold hands, warm shart.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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