He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
