You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
