I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Randomize