i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
