We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Randomize
