My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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