Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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