I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
