I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
