She's JV to your varsity
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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