Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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