Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Randomize
