please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
