I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize