his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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