I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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