It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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