I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
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