like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
