NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
