and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
