You're so nebulous sometimes
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
