did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize