so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
