hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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