Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
