My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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