if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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