Need sex. Gaining weight.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
