Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
