I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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