apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Randomize
