dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
