Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
