Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
