ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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