Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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