I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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