I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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