am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Randomize
