Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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