dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
