sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
