so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
