i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
