I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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