I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
