There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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