I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
