32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
