hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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