I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I am one with the molecules
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
