My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
