You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
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