Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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