I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
