Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
