eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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