We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
