Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
