you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
