if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
