Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
