i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
