i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
don't judge my taste in strippers
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
