Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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