There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
