Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
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