we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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