Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
