Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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