they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
