So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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