I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
