it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
