I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
