If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
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