in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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