he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
