he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
